I never have posted on Emma’s blog, but today I simply have to. Yesterday, June 17th, ten days before her fourteenth birthday, my dear sweet Katie lost the battle with her body. My heart is broken, and I don’t know what to do, but writing a letter to her seemed like the right thing to do, and what better place to do that than on Emma’s blog. Emma and Bailie will most likely write their own posts in the coming days, but being Katie’s mom, I needed to start.
My dearest Katie,
As I write this, my heart is broken, and tears are streaming down my face. I’m so glad I managed to get this last selfie of us yesterday before my eyes filled with tears. I wore pink because pink was your color. I knew your health was failing but I thought you had a few weeks left of your fight. The fact that in just two days time you went from walking to not being able to move at all was a shock to both of us I think. I didn’t want to make “that decision” for you, but you were suffering and I would never want that for you! I always called you my Engelchen (little angel), and you were truly an angel for me. I spent 1/4 of my life with you which is a long time, but not nearly long enough.
Katie, you were my first puppy. I was so in the dark when I brought you home. I had no idea what a Kuvasz was, and honestly, I never wanted a white dog, but I wanted you. That first night at home I was reading the instructions in your puppy kit, wondering what to do with a puppy. It was a Saturday night, and in Germany stores are closed on Sundays, so the only supplies I had was what you came with. I had no idea how our life would turn out. I finally had a puppy and I had so many things I wanted to do with you. Compared to many dogs, you did really have a full life, but there are still so many things I wish I could have done with you.
You were such an adorable little fluff ball! You were only ten weeks old the first time we went to the North Sea. Remember on the way home I slammed your paw in the hatch of the SUV. You screamed so, I cried thinking I had ruined my baby, but it turned out to just be a bruise. You forgave me, and I still feel bad about the whole incident.
Trine was such a good mentor for you those first fourteen months. You loved her. She thought you were the biggest pest on the planet, but the two of you stuck together. I do believe her politeness and patience did rub off on you. You know those photos of Trine around the house? Well, all the photos of you will stay where they are forever as well. I will never forget you and will think of you every day.
I had a party for you when you turned one. I baked some cookies which you loved and I made you a dorky party hat which you wore without complaining. How young you look in that photo! At that age, you were such a challenge, always making me cry by running away and playing you can’t catch me. I would give anything to play that with you again today! You were a real devil but your sweetness ironed out all the trouble you caused. It made me laugh the past months when you would think you could still run from me. You would give it a try but realize after a couple steps it wasn’t happening. Some habits just never went away!
Remember moving to the North Sea and how many times you took off on me? Remember when we tried agility and the instructor asked us not to come back after the second class because you were too wild and disruptive. At the time those things were not funny, but they make me laugh now. You always did what you wanted to do, not what I wanted you to do which made it unbelievable to see you become totally dependent on me your last days. I know you hated it. I would hate it too being someone who likes to do everything herself.
We loved winter together. I would walk with you in any cold, snowy weather and it never bothered you. Being a very independent girl, snuggling and hugging was not your thing, so when it happened, it was all more special. I loved your independence as it reminded me of myself. We made an awesome pair, always challenging each other with our own strong wills.
The one thing I wish most I could have done one more time with you was to go to Ordinger Strand. That beach was your favorite place in the world, but once we left Germany, I knew we would never go back. Remember riding in the Beetle convertible with your Doggles? I wonder how many hundreds of photos you are in as the people were always wanting a picture of you in that car. You always had so many friends in Germany, and you scared me to death the day you jumped out of the moving car to see your friend. Thankfully I was going slow, and your seat belt held you off the pavement. You were a crazy girl in your younger years!
Thank you so much for being such a wonderful big sister to Emma. You were an only dog for three years after we lost Trine, and a sibling was something I thought you wanted. I was so sad when you went into depression at the sight of Emma. Thankfully, we got you out of it, and the two of you became inseparable. I loved watching you protect her from other dogs, and show her how to do things dogs do. You put up with all her puppy antics, her bossy nature, and we all moved across the Atlantic together. You were amazing!
Once you matured, you became such a classy, lady dog. You were beautiful! Do you realize how often people stopped to tell me how gorgeous my dog was when we were out walking. Sometimes cars even stopped to ask about you. You had a beautiful form, gait, and such pristine white fur, not to mention those gorgeous Bernstein (amber) eyes of yours!
Walking was our thing and I so enjoyed all the walks we took as well as discovering new trails and places. You were an awesome running partner as well. I will never be able to thank you enough for doing marathon training with me. I could never have finished in 3:37 my first time out without having trained with you! I know you didn’t like running much, but you were so good at it! It made me smile how you would always hide when I would come downstairs in my running clothes! I loved our two hour adventure walks on the weekends, and it made me so sad when you couldn’t do them anymore.
Thank you for being such a sweet big sister to little Bailie. You were eleven years old, but still were willing to play with her, teach her tug a war, and how to be a nice girl. I’m only sorry you didn’t have more time to spend with her as she really loved you.
Katie, my big girl, my woolly Baerchen, there is far too much to say. I cannot possibly sum up our lives together in one letter, but it is a start. You may be gone, but you will be in my heart forever! You were by my side for so many difficult times in life, and you knew I was always there for you. Thank you so much for posing one last time with your sisters on Wednesday. You never liked the camera, but you let me photograph you. I have so many photos of you, but I still feel I don’t have enough. I love you so much and miss you so much. I still can’t believe you are really gone. Run free, and we will be together again! Did I mention how much I love you? Love, Mom
I am so sorry about Katie! ((hugs)) She was such a gorgeous girl and it sounds like you had so many adventures with her! <3
She led an amazing life for a dog, but I still wanted her to have more, but it wasn’t to be.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been in this same situation many times and my heart goes out to you during this most difficult time. I will certainly include Katie in the June edition of ‘Our Rainbow Friends’.
Sadly, I’ve been here before too, but it is one thing in life that doesn’t get any easier. I know I have to just let time heal my heart, but it will always ache for my girl.
Such a beautiful girl. It sounds as if she had a good life. I know her loss is painful.
Thank you. It is a really tough time right now.
I am so very sorry to hear this news. And I’m glad for you and for Katie that you stayed home and were there with her. We humans are never ready to let them go, but they leave behind the ways in which they’ve changed us for the better. Our thoughts and prayers are with you!
Thank you. Emma, Bailie,and I are trying to get through this together and create our new life without my precious Katie.
Once again, I’m so sorry to hear about Katie….We are never ready to let them go…my heart goes out to you and Emma and Ballie. Remember the good times you had with Katie, it really helps to get through the loss. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
We will all do a lot of reminiscing together and we have each other to help get through this tough time. We miss our big girl so.
(((Hugs))) and much love to you all. What a sweet letter. May I suggest you make it a page? I did it for brandi and it was (and is) a great comfort to me.
So, so sorry for your pain. She was loved by so many many people (and her family sisters and brothers). She is no longer in pain, but a true little angel, running free and watching over her family.
Once again, we are so sorry, and we understand the loss of a beloved.
Thank you. I like that idea of a page. Maybe not quite yet, but in a while. I’ve been trying to decide how to remember Katie forever on the blog and that is a great idea. Thanks for sharing that.
When I did brandi’s page it really helped my heart, so I thought maybe it would help you. Brandi was with me a long time, like Katie was with you. Brandi is still in my heart and not forgotten. Katie is in yours. As all our “children” are still in our hearts.
Animal lovers have very very big hearts! And always room for more!
We are going to turn the post into a page when the time is right. We are not ready to do that final step yet, but it will come. Love that idea so much!
I am sorry that Katie is no longer with you but am happy you have lots of wonderful memories and pictures. A poor substitute for the real thing but often a comfort.
Memories and photos are so important, but they are not the same as having Katie here. I’m thankful I have so many things to help keep her memory alive.
I’m so sorry… and my tears are running for Katie… you found such wonderful words for your first puppy… even with flooding my keyboard I had to read it twice… It was the right decision to stay at home… so you had the chance to be together… Hugs to you and a special one to heaven for you dear Katie…
Emma, Bailie and I will be spending some extra time together to get through this awful loss. We knew it was coming, but we never knew it would happen all of the sudden. Thanks for being a good friend Easy.
we had a weird feeling in our tummy as we saw that you wrote a post on saturday… hugs to you all, to be together and to hold the paws and hands of each other is very impawtant…
You are right. Only posting on weekends if something comes up. Sadly, something came up.
Our hearts go out to you & your family.
Katie was a very fortunate girl to have such a wooftastic family.
You gave her the greatest gift, your love.
Be gentle with yourself.
Gentle nose nudges,
CEO Olivia
Thank you so much. We miss her like crazy and she just left us. It will be some tough times ahead, but we are doing our best to stay on track and live with her in our hearts.
Gentle nose nudges.
CEO Olivia
Such a beautiful letter to a beautiful girl. I wish I could offer some words of comfort right now for you but I know it will take time to heal. Please know that we are thinking of you and send our deepest condolences.
Thank you. I would like to just sleep and sleep, but I can’t sleep and if I could, it wouldn’t help me get through this. Love is the best and most painful emotion.
I read your posts all the time but rarely comment. I knew Katie was going down hill but your post title stopped me in my tracks when I saw it in my email. Your letter to her is beautiful which must be both helpful and painful. I have no words of comfort except to say you are in my prayers as you muster through this dark time. A child is a child whether two legged or four legged and I believe one day you will see her again happy and healthy wagging her tail at the sight of you. God bless you and Emma and Bailey.
Thank you! It’s hard to comment on posts all the time. We comment here and there a lot, but it is not always easy. I’m really devastated losing Katie. She was declining, but then she would have good weeks, decline some more and then good weeks. She just had a few awesome days two weeks ago, then she was declining but in two days time she want from bad to not being able to move, eat, drink, nothing. It was so terribly sad, fast, and just awful. I know we will all meet again, but it doesn’t help the heartache I have now. We all miss her so much, she was a wonderful companion all these years!
Oh, Joy, I simply don’t have the words… all I can say is I know… and I am so, so sorry. Thank you for sharing this lovely letter and your super special girl.
Thank you. It has been some tough days. We are now trying to figure out our new lives and I’m realizing how much Katie really was in my life even the last months when she didn’t do much, she was still involved in her own way and I sure miss it.
Oh, how or hearts break for you…. They are never here long enough, and they take a big chunk of our hearts with us when they go. Sending love and gentle heading purrs to you at this time….
*healing….
Thank you. It is really hard. I’ve been through it with my last dog, but it is almost worse this time around. So very sad. We all miss her so much
I’m so sorry for your loss Joy. It’s always hard to lose a pet but it seems she went faster than you had to process. That was a very beautiful letter.
Thank you. I really expected a couple weeks, not a couple days. I still can’t believe she is no longer here.
I am so sorry. I had no idea you lost Katie this past weekend. What an amazing life she had with you and how amazing to have had so many adventures together in so many places. My deepest sympathies. I am sad to know the Katie I met so many years ago at Alimagnet is gone. Godspeed Katie. Run far and free, fly high with those wings.
Thank you. It was so fast, we had no idea. We expected her to be with us a few more weeks, but she went from walking a little bit to not being able to move or use her legs at all in two days. I’m so very sad, but so happy to have been with her for so many years.
I am super sad, I can’t even see the last part of your letter that we’ll as the tears are just coming down like a waterfall. Love you, you are in our prayers.
I don’t know what happened to the because auto correct just changed it that’s because the tears are just coming down like a waterfall
Thank you. It’s been pretty wet wherever I’ve been the past few days. It is so sad, but we have to get through it.
So sorry to hear about Katie. What a wonderful letter. Love to you all.
Thank you. Rejenease really helped add to her life. I don’t think she would have made it as long as she did without it. It is such a great product and my hounds will continue taking it.
Your recollection of past adventures made me smile even while I cried at reading this news. Tender moments and sweet memories of your loyal fur-iend, so very sorry for your loss. ?
Thank you. I’m heart broken and still realizing my sweet Katie is no longer with us. She had an amazing life and we went through so much together. It will take a while to come to grips with it all.
Please know we’re thinking of you.
🙂
I am so sad about Katie. I thought you had more time too. 🙁
It was very fast. Within two days she went from how she was to not being able to use her legs or to move. We are very sad.
This made me cry 🙁 ! Rest in peace my love
Welcome to the club of tears. It’s been soaking wet around here for days now. We miss Katie so much
A beautiful tribute to a beautiful dog. I am in tears this morning, reading this. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you. We miss her so much. Mom has lots of tears every day. It will take time for the freshness of the wounds to heal, but we cherish the wonderful memories.
Joy, I am so very sorry for the loss of Katie. She was a beautiful girl, and I know she was so very loved. My heart is with you and your entire family.
Thank you. I know you know the pain after losing your precious pup last year. It is not easy, but together we will get through this.
What a beautiful letter and we share your tears for Katie. That, I can assure you. ?
Thank you. It doesn’t matter who you are or what pet you lose, it is always so very tough
This is beautiful and heartwrenching. Losing a loved one is incredibly hard, but Katie will be with you forever and always close in your heart and in your memories. Sending hugs to you, Emma, and Bailie,
Thank you. Today it is already two weeks. We miss her all the time. I think I see her, but she isn’t there. I find reminders of her around both in the house and outside. It is so hard, but we will get through this and with time sadness will turn to smiles.
I missed your sad news because I was busy preparing to move house.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. My biped has tears streaming down her face, but she smiled at some of the things that Katie did when she was younger. I know you’ll all miss Katie terribly but she’s left you with beautiful memories.
Thank you. My mom has leaky eyes every day, many times a day. It’s very hard to adjust after almost 14 years, but we are helping her try to get through he hardest times.