Today it’s been two years since Emma left me, left us, left everyone, and I still miss her so much every single day. I decided to write the post today because the girls can’t possibly understand my feeling of loss. In my lifetime, I’ve lost goldfish, gerbils, rabbits, cats and dogs, but never has a loss gripped me like losing my Emma. I waited months for her to be born and to go to England to get her. She was my second puppy, the first one I ever planned for. Emma was special to me from day one.
The two of us shared so many things in life, and we had so many plans but on October 30, 2018, everything ended. For me it was something I had not even thought about happening. She was twelve, but at her senior physical two months prior, she was healthy as a horse. She adored doing nose work, walked an hour every morning, hunted rabbits in the yard, she was in good shape.
Emma and I went to a garden center one day after her nose work class just three weeks before she passed. We had fun taking some photos, and looking at Halloween decorations. When I took this photo, some of the people there stopped to remark about what a great model Emma was, and they could not believe her age as she seemed so young.
My GBGV Life is mainly thanks to Emma. She inspired me every day to use my love of pets, photography, and story telling. Without her, I would probably never have found a way to use my creativity. It is not always easy to keep the blog going without her, but I know she loved doing all the things a dog does for a blog and she would not want me to quit just because she is no longer here. It’s been two years, and I think Bailie, Madison, and Olivia are doing a pretty good job keeping the blog going. They all love the camera, but no one can model like Emma did.
Emma was my first dog sports dog, the first dog I trialed with, and the first dog I ever earned a title with. I was so excited and she was so proud when team red earned our first title, the L1V, Level 1 Vehicle Title in May 2015. Nose work was the only sport she did. She tried Barn Hunt, but didn’t like it at all. Animals in tubes seemed to freak her out!
Every time I drive to a nose work trial, I think about Emma. I talk to the dog or dogs that are in the car with me about Emma, and I cry. Our road trips are something the girls and I love, but I miss having Emma along as she loved to travel! She had seen so much for a pup – eighteen states and five countries. Searching with my three is always fun, but I miss searching with Emma. We knew each other so well. Our last trial was about six weeks before I lost her and we had so much fun. Emma earned her L2I, Level 2 Interior Title that day.
For me the hardest part is the suddenness of her death. I had no time to prepare myself for losing Emma. My other dogs I’ve lost have been ill, or older, and I knew the time was near. We had time to do a few last things together, but I had no time to do anything with Emma. I feel guilty for not being able to help her, for not doing more. The day went from leaving her at the vet, probably overnight, to getting a call that they could not save her and an hour later she was gone in my arms. I am thankful I was there with her when she took her last breath but I wish I had not left for three hours to let her rest. I feel so guilty about having followed the vet’s orders. Leaving her that night when she was gone was so very hard. She was always there for me and I had to leave her for good.
Everyone deals with losses of people and pets, but this one isn’t getting any easier for me. Writing this has taken me forever because I can’t see through my tears. I can’t look at photos or videos of her, or talk about her without tearing up. I try to tell myself she was just a dog, but she was so much more and I can’t get over her not being here. I love all my girls so much, but they can’t fill the void Emma left in my heart. She taught me so much about myself, how to find what I love in life and do it, how to be silly and not care what others think. It’s been two years already, but I feel like I just picked her up in England as a nine week old puppy.
Emma was one of a kind. A once in a lifetime hound. She was proper, silly, serious, lovable, difficult, an all around great hound. I’m blessed to have had her in my life for twelve years, but time was still far too short. Today I’ll hang out with Bailie, Madison, and Olivia, and we will celebrate Emma. Thank you for reading, and enjoying Emma, Bailie, Madison, Olivia and our life adventures.